On Effort + Release
When you get it "wrong" + you keep carrying on
I don’t remember the exact moment I started fearing the idea of messing up or failing, but the earliest memories I can trace it to are elementary school religion classes. Classic.
When I look back on learning about and drawing pictures of various Bible verses, I’m not triggered. Lessons on sharing and being a helpful neighbor against all odds have stayed with me, despite the questions I have about religion as an institution.
What I didn’t realize—bless naïve childhood me—is how seriously I took the idea of good vs bad. It felt pretty linear at the time that if I was “good” I would score a ticket to Heaven, and if I did something “wrong” it was a straight shot to Hell.
Fast forward to now: even though I understand how my younger self misunderstood the concept of not getting things “right,” I can still get really discouraged whenever my valiant efforts toward something don’t lead to my intended outcome.
Life threw me for a loop recently, where my energy toward a few important things unraveled. I know I’m not unique in this, either, but despite that recognition—alongside the constant work I do to untangle limiting beliefs and triggers—it sunk me.
A recent David Ghiyam podcast episode helped guide me back up to the surface for air. What he shared is something I’ve been trying to repeat to myself whenever I notice I’m trying to control how things will unfold—even in the aftermath of the aforementioned unraveling.
For anyone else who feels overwhelmed by the thought of losing control, of not getting things “right,” or of failure leading you to the fiery pits of the underworld and the like, here’s how I’m currently trying to approach it—inspired by David’s teachings.
The basic concept is:
Maximum effort. Maximum surrender.
This doesn’t mean overworking or bypassing. It’s more an understanding that it’s OK to put time and energy into something, then release control of the outcome without being emotionally attached to it.
(Also aligned with yogic philosophy’s teachings on practice and non-attachment.)
Because we can’t control how things will turn out—even when all our ducks are in a row; even when we take practical, focused, heartfelt steps toward a desired result. Kind of infuriating, but I guess it’s also kind of a relief…
And even when we are attached to the fruits of our efforts—or to the efforts themselves—we can use tools like mindfulness and movement to navigate the discomfort, disappointment, or despair that comes from not getting it “right.”
Here’s how I look at it through different lenses—wherever you consider your own “maximum” effort to be:
Life in general
Effort: Putting time, energy, and/or passion into something you care about or desire.
Surrender: Recognizing that the outcome may not meet your expectations or plans, and being OK with that—or at least knowing that somehow you’ll be OK in the end.
Mindfulness
Effort: Committing to 5-10 minutes of stillness, seeking a quieter and calmer mind.
Surrender: The monkey-mind breaks loose, but you trust that your mindful pause still served a purpose—and that you can try again tomorrow.
Movement
Effort: Taking a class or doing a movement routine at home to help revitalize you.
Surrender: You end up needing a lot more rest and pauses than expected, but you trust that maybe that’s just what your body needed today—without judgement.
Food
Effort: Exploring a new dish or nutritional protocol to support your health.
Surrender: It doesn’t currently suit your body or didn’t produce optimal results, but you don’t let it get you down, and you know it’s an ongoing exploration.
Work
Effort: Leading a project, applying for a job, making a pitch, or going for a promotion.
Surrender: Knowing you did—and are doing—your best, and that you can’t control the result. Believing in yourself and moving forward no matter what.
Ethics + ecology
Effort: Trying to reduce, reuse, and recycle whatever and whenever possible.
Surrender: Realizing you may still buy things wrapped in plastic and may never be 100% sustainable, but your efforts still make a difference (note to self).
Relationships
Effort: Having a difficult but necessary discussion—hoping to strengthen the bond.
Surrender: Knowing you can’t control the other person’s response, that your feelings are valid, and that things will work out somehow—even if not how you hoped.
Final reminder
So if or when life throws us a massive curveball despite our best attempts to doge it, maybe we can do our best to trust that whatever happens will be for the best—even when it’s unplanned, painful, disheartening, or feels like all is lost (for now).
I once heard someone say that life is like a trampoline—at some point after the free fall, you’re eventually going to bounce back up.
For what it’s worth.
What concept is helping you steady yourself when things feel wobbly lately?
Schedule a free coaching assessment call for personalized support on how to navigate both effort and surrender in your own life.
Take good care,
S